buy teh haloz.

i always manage to create my blog entries at the most random times and they usually fall into the late hours of a day. tonight, for instance, i was working the closing shift until 11.30p which means that i do not get home for another hour. so being that i am home now: cindy is asleep and i need my wind-down time. i have to close again tomorrow night so... yeah.

other than that i have not really been up to all that much. i have been playing the normal amount of games if not a little bit more. i picked up lego star wars 2 for twenty bucks so the game and its achievements should keep me amused at least for a bit. i really have my heart set out on picking up the darkness but i do not think i will get to do that for at least another week. yesterday and today i was also playing a bit of gears and i enjoyed that quite a bit. i need to catch up with the rest of the community with that one. i should get to that before halo 3 drops. that will come a lot sooner than later.

but back to the world of the real...
i am on a program to promoted starting the week of the ninth so i am exited and nervous about that at the same time.

i think i am going to play a couple of games of uno on live and then collapse into sleep for a while.

hostel part II

after seeing hostel part II, as it is so cunningly titled, i am left
with the feeling of wanting to perpetually vomit. no, not the gore but
the deathly real way in which this part was presented just leaves the
stomach boiling in a very unpleasant way.

it was funny when the two girls "just couldn't take it anymore" and had
to leave the theater. eli roth is a genius of this variety and while
part I made me wonder, part II made me shiver with unpleasantries. bravo
sir your movie is a hit.

my obsession.

i have really just stood back and realized how much of my internet surfing is based around video games. from internet comics to all the latest game information, it is just nuts and that isn't to even mention my podcasts that i listen to. this isn't really a coordinated entry, just something is was observing.

The Trials and Tribulations of My Job

i am beginning to find out where my alliances lie at my job. i am on the wrong side of the tracks heading for a big collision and i do not really want to be there to find out the outcome. my manager (whom i originally got along amazingly with) is now making me feel alienated (and i am not sure if it is her intention). i have always had complaints about the politics of working for starbucks but this is reaching a new plateau. i feel as though i am on the verge of panic attacks and it used to be that i just got upset and was able to push it aside. i am feeling pretty helpless because my aforementioned manager basically brushed aside my worries and attributed them to occasions that always take place. she told me there was nothing i could do and left my head swimming. i cannot honestly say how much of an issue it was though because the person i was complaining about was her...umm..."pet". well, if what i heard was true, there will be a good many people leaving my job and she will be one of those.

now i am to be promoted when my manager returns from her vacation and i am eager to see the outcome of what are likely to be another set of politics, rules and regulations (according to her).

i am stuck contemplating how much of a disappointment i may or may not be to my parents. my parents and i obviously fall on different belief systems and have different definitions of what merits a meaningful existence. for all intents and purposes i think that they believe that i could do better with my life and they would rather i did that sooner rather than later. i believe and always have believed, even if it was in a roundabout way, that if you are not enjoying what you are doing then there is no good reason to continue doing it. as i mentioned before, though they have accepted it to the best of their ability, they are not ecstatic with all of my personal choices (or any of them). but coming around to why i found myself contemplating this is that my brother andy has been cutting school every single day. he is going to repeat the ninth grade and if history repeats itself then he will drop out, as ben did. but i found myself wondering if i was just the cause of it all because i decided that college was not for me at the moment anymore. should i be more distraught with myself? have i really done something so wrong? does everyone look down at me with judgment and disdain? i know a few who might but i think those who want me to be who i am do not.

there's a huge sense of entitlement that permeates our entire culture. the issue of our economic and sociological narcissistic indulgence begs a much larger question: How happy are we as a society? We should be happier now than we were during, say, the '50's (when the hell did they invent toilet paper? How bummed would you be if you had to wipe your ass with your hands? Super-Bummed). But we are one the of unhappiest civilizations in history. we may have more neuroses, depression and anxiety. we're bombarded with so many images, ideas and noise that we becomes desensitized to anything and everything. everything we want is immediately available to us, but nothing that we want is what we need.

~gabe saporta.


i think this is the best pessimism i have read in a while, but hey everyone hates this guy and i love him.

this past weekend was full of good times. i saw plenty of bands at the bamboozle festival and got to "work" for the absolutepunk.net booth. it was quite fun and i would greatly enjoy doing it again if the opportunity arose again. it is possible for it to happen for warped tour so we will have to see. i always say, "we will see" and then look back on it only to discover that those things never happened. well this one is possible so yeah...
i saw many bands that i enjoyed greatly, saturday was packed full of them, and sunday was more of a day of discovering. i discovered three bands that i am very happy to have discovered. the matches, who i also met and love; four stories, who i do not know a lot about yet; and dear hunter, which i am currently listening to.
since the weekend not much has been going on, though i have had a few days off because of renovations at my job. it am looking forward to them although i did loose some hours this week. i'll live.
so this is a short entry of sorts just to ehh, update.
other notes:
spider-man 3 was amazing and i don't care what others think.
my cousin rebecca is awesome.
the matches are again, amazing.

the need to get back on track.

i am thinking about how well i used to be able to write or how well i used to think i could write. now though, the only practice i get is silly blogging. i look at what i write and find that it is so stagnant, stuttered and just generally bad. i want to return to the flow and style that i had. i did force a style on myself but i just have never known how to find my own niche. this is the hundreth time i have written or spoken about this and after the rant i always tell myself that i am going to write more often. what spurred it this time is that i want to write for a gaming website or a public gaming blog. i want to share my passions with people but i can never just find a way. this was the first time that i actually contacted someone about it and although i have not received any response yet i feel that as long as i keep putting myself out there i will get the response that i am looking for. i am not even looking to be paid for it but i want the day to day experience. i will get it as long as i want it. i love gaming too much to not get a response.

honestly, at this point, i am getting quite sick.

my yankees are doing quite awful and i cannot even bring myself to watch them right now because i want to cry. i guess this is the curse one gets stuck with liking a normally winning dynasty. i watched andy pettite pitch tonight until he looked like he was about ready to cry. he fell apart in the 5th inning and i don't even know how the game turned out. i think i need to start playing mlb 2k7 just so i can have them win. dear yankees it is now okay for you guys to start winning.

after birthday experiences.

so things have been on a roller coaster lately. i have only one particularly low low but other than that it has been a fun ride. so, the day after my birthday was filled with foodshopping, seeing brand new, missing manchester orchestra :'-(, asking andy hull to play our wedding, him saying almost definitely, seeing geoff rickley, and being the only guy hanging out. yesterday was alright aside from the one majoe hiccup. a girl i work with had me so ticked off that i saw red and that is the only thing that needs to be said about that. i still have my job and everything and everything is in the process of being worked out. today was good and i saw cindy for lunch, i got my new slvr and i am on my way to pick her up. this is more of just an update than any new thoughts or intuition. sorry for my drab life? comments are open so leave them i like to know i'm loved.

birthday unsurprize.

if am going to attempt to sleep i am going to need to dump my crap here before i do so. there are currently fifteen minutes left in my 22nd birthday and aside from these last few hours it shaped up to be another good one.
first though: the most overused question on one's birthday: how does it feel to be (insert age here)?
do people, including parents ask this because there is nothing better to ask or do they expect a new an inspired response that will seemingly blow them in to the next galaxy? no, i think not.
second: i meant to post this on my twitter but the most overused substance is not what one would consider a drug, it is, DUM DUM DUM: splenda.

so my birthday consisted of coming home from work last night at the very late hour of midnight only to be in a tiff with cindy who was actually asleep at the time (mind you this was all my fault so oh well). after i ended up waking her up she gave me some surprise birthday presents that are two complete graphic novels of jonen vasquez (invader zim). after seven hours of sleep we awoke and hung around till i went to work for a few hours. yes, i did indeed work on my birthday. after getting off of work cindy and i enjoyed a meal at cosi and went to see hot fuzz, but not before retrieving my forgotten comic at my job. the movie was great but what followed is the reason i suppose for this entry.

we were in virgin megastores only to browse some cds, video games, whatever. the ever controversial subject of my parents came up and bam!, i have not since spoken more than a few sentences and choice words to her since. i am currently sitting on this lovely hardwood floor typing as lightly as i can while cindy is what i am assume is attempting to snooze. from what i actually piece together from nothing is that i had no choice in this silence i just chose to actually go with it. i can not even be angry because i do not know how or do not want to know how to be angry about nothing.

living forever in spite is only for the truly wise or the truly stupid.

nostalgia or something else?

last night i spent my evening with harry, kim and cindy. we saw the aqua teens movie and slept over. it was an incredibly good time and the movie was as funny as it was random. see it if you like the show, simple as that. the part of my morning that had me wanting to write this entry was after the pancakes we had for breakfast. breakfast was a good enough time that involved arguments over butter and who made better pancakes. naturally: the champion of all pancakes, me, won. so back to when i felt weird... i was putting my cell, sidekick, wallet and keys back into my pockets and i just stumbled on the thought process of feeling as though i were someone in a band on tour. i felt as if i were a guest but in a place where i slept for almost two months. it was interesting enough and i can definitely attest to the fact that i had no idea why i was feeling like that. but for now as usual everything is all good and cindy and i are on our way back to the apartment to shower up and such in case we feel like heading out to the city to hang around with the gang some more.
okay, so this entry feels a little scattered but it is just a recap of good night melted into a good day. and yes as usual i am feeling a little nostalgic and a little sad but it is an oxymoronic happy sad.

lately.

as time has been passing by lately i have been using twitter to update what i have been up to. still though, there is something you can not get with micro-blogging: "true emotion," and a real feel of that persons personality. i do recommend twitter for just a generally habitual way of keeping your life updated to the outside world. it even has an option to remind you if you haven't updated in 24 hours.

i always imagine that my blogs should touch someone on some other level where they found my life truly interesting. i think that when i do update i tend to either drab it down or not update at all for lack of the idea striking me. should i be happy that i am not so strapped to my blogs? i always notice that i am not as hell bent on using my sidekick for everything with my female counterpart on the other side of me typing furiously as though she had no idea on how to do anything else other than use this silly device. but i do digress that if this device had any bit of the funtionality, for me, that my xbox does then hell would have already frozen over.

i recently, as by the way of today, read about the possibility of a zune cell phone type device that could update all its songs and such via wi-fi. maybe this option will be more viable for me than the iphone.

as my dear love sits next to me, still furiously typing i am thinking of how nice it will be to just lie in bed with her for the whole of tomorrow for the first time since we have been living with each other.

i love you cindy and i am thankful and grateful for every moment i get to spend with you.

big dreams and playing make believe.

i have been reading a book called the secret, you may have heard of it. it is a really interesting and helpful read and i honestly believe its advice is meaningful, helpful, and most of all, real. i picked it up and wanted to write it off as some sort of cult but was intrigued enough by it so i bought it. so far it has been nothing but a help and given a more positive aspect of everything and has also given me the motivation by making me keep myself positive. as soon as i have found myself getting upset about something or even bored i modify my thinking in order to keep myself attracting positive things. now this could or could not make me sound like an absolute nut but i highly recommend it to anyone who feels like their soul needs a pick-me-up.
i am now going to begin working on what i hope will become a bigger project that i can even imagine at this point. it is going to be my gaming community within a gaming community. it will have clan based purposes for gears of war and halo and such and it will also be a place within the xbox community to create a more personable community and make it even more fun for gamers to meet other gamers. i am dreaming big and as long as i keep dreaming this way i can only go up. maybe a comic for the community, a forum of course, but most of all just for there to be people on your friends list that you always feel like playing with. i'll call it "P4PER M4N" because the idea i was stricken with was just to hand out flyers with this name on it to expand my gaming community.

kitty.

so i picked up the kitty today and the whole experience has been fun. some sarcasm noted. the cat is awesome and loves attention and if you are near it, it doesn't specifically need attention but likes to be near you. the sarcasm i was hinting at was the train ride home where the kitty did not want to be in that box and kept meowing. i felt so bad. i decided to try and introduce the cat and the dog but after figuring out quickly that it wasn't a good idea i checked out some stuff online only to discover that they needed to be introduced slowly. apparently they need to get used to each other by smell first. it makes sense.

valens.

this is a good song to randomly have in your head at work.

probably my second favorite of their songs.
--nate.avalanche

a nice longg day.

long needed two g's, trust me. i worked almost twelve hours and i wasn't
supposed to. yeah what the fuck i'm a whiner. haha and i have to open
tomorrow; i love running myself ragged at both ends.

the black donnellys was amazing last night as usual but last night was
the best since the second episode. they really know how to work a lot of
magic with that show. it plays like my favorite movies do and i can
watch the episodes two and three times and love them just as much.
again if you haven't checked it out yet do that mondays @ ten.

so i talked more about a show than how exhausted i am. goodnight
homies.
--nate.avalanche

retrospective conversations.

def. - those conversations in which are hard to come by or incredibly
thought provoking.

i do not think there has been a shift that i have ever worked where it
never felt like i was working for a second. thoughts were equally on
comics and all propoganda related and tipped towards musical
inclinations. we talked about batman, texas is the reason, invader zim,
and the movielife.

my bone tattoo went over well.

on another topic i have been playing something other than crackdown for
the past day. alien hominid hd which is awesome in its every aspect.
this is a highly reccomended game to those who only even have a pc. it
was originally a flash based game (and rightfully still is) from the
fine people who run newgrounds.com. anyway check it out.

and now i am finally on the train and kudos to that because the
originally inspiring guitar strumming was beginning to drill into my
head.
--nate.avalanche

who knows?

so i am up @ 6 in the morning headed to work. the dillema isnlt being
up at six in the morning. the problem here is that i remember on the
schedule that i am working in the am from 7.30 to 11.30, but my sidekick
says differently. what does it say? i have work in the pm. now i
already called but as i know, there are only two people there and no one
really answers the phone there anyway. worst thing is i don't have work
until tonight, which is probably not the case. i am betting that i just
entered it wrong into my sidekick considering it was my first time doing
so and i was doing it on a grand two week scale. all things considered
though, i am tired and i do wish that i could have stayed in bed. now i
am thinking of something though that could possibly lead me to believe
that i am working tonight: i remember thinking that it would suck to get
home @ 11.30 @ night because cindy would already be asleep. wtf. i think
too much but now i am kind of convinced. well i'll let you know if this
AM rant which apparently lasts longer than a normal rant was worth it or
not. i would so prefer the former because i am already almost there.

i'm being harassed.

at the current moment i am being harassed by cindy with pictures of "i'm in ur..." various pictures. do it just go to google images and type in, "i'm in ur and witness the horror of cute kitties stealing your internet.

on that note life as usual has been continuing on at a normal clip. i have been playing massive amounts of crackdown to which i completed the main campaign part of the game. at the moment i am just trying to max out my achievements in the game so i can finally get back to playing some more gears of war.

i assembled some furniture for mike and cin's mom today. that was tedious but it was alright despite my massive headache that a red bull could not cure. surprisingly the water and a shower did though.

gotta go take out the recycling and attempt to get some gaming in before south park comes on (not gonna happen).