Monday MUpdate: It's pronounced "fl-ow-er"

I think, as a note, that people should generally understand that my articles from here on out will be mostly about the PS3. While it was not discussed publicly here, our fearless leader Nate recently had a minor spat with another internet entity, and throughout the general "dialogue" (in quotes because in reality it was more of an attack) it was pointed out that we focus mainly on the XBOX even though we are a general video gaming website. Now, those who have been following for a prolonged period of time will remember that the top of the website used to point out that we focus mainly on the XBOX (because the XBOX is awesome) but when Kara was brought on board, she introduced the element of girls playing video games, which is just plain silly the PC gamer into the fold. Therefore, in order to help diversify, I'm taking my new ownership of the PS3 as a subtle sign to myself that I should give it the love it deserves and focus mainly on the PS3. So from here on out, if you don't actually have any interest in the PS3, I won't be offended if you don't read this column anymore.

I had been promising several mini reviews now from some time, haven't I? Originally when I came on board, reviews were all I did. They were wordy, they were precise, but I feel like they were OK. Then, as I stopped being a bum and got a job, I had to start playing games less and less, and now that I have a job and go to night classes, I play games even less than that. This past week I rented some games for my Playstation 3, and I only ever managed to play one of them and I was less than half way through when I returned it. It's kind of sad, really. Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 comes out in less than 24 hours and I'm kind of scared to think I won't be able to dedicate myself to it at all hours of the day (which means I'll be up until 2 in the morning playing it, probably). Regardless of this fact, I feel like I got in a good deal of standard PS3 gaming before my night classes happened to allow me the ability to look fondly back at my memory and bring to you, the faithful reader, some high quality mini reviews. Last week, I tackled Fat Princess, a humorous interpretation of capture the flag that caused quite a stir in my home city (mainly because people are idiots). This week, I bring to you a review of the highly serene Flower (which, despite what Nate may tell you, is not pronounced flow-er).



Let me start by saying that Flower is the single most serene and enchanting game I have ever played in my entire life. I feel like bothering to meditate is absolutely pointless now because I have this game. For those who don't know, the Playstation 3 menu system is different from the XBOX 360 dashboard in that (among other things) when you put the XBOX 360 disc in, a tiny little image will now appear on the dashboard under your section to show you what game you have to play, and if you open up that extra special menu, you'll have a themed background. With the PS3, when you highlight a game or a game disc for gaming purposes, the entire screen changes into a huge advertisement for the game. The Flower music shows a gentle breeze and plays some calm piano music for you, and honest to God, I could just leave this image on and sit and relax. In fact, I do this sometimes, and I'm known to leave this menu on if I leave the apartment for short periods of time for my cats. It's just that wonderful.

In Flower, you essentially play the smoke monster from LOST except you're made of flower petals and instead of tormenting people you collect other flower petals to make you even more epic. That's it. That's the entire game. There is no final boss, there is no real point to it. You start out as a single flower petal, you float around collecting other flower petals, and once you've collected enough you win the level. It sounds so simple, yet for some reason when I hand people the controller to play the game they just don't get it. It's easily one of the best purchases I have ever made though. The absolute sheer and quiet brilliance of the game is just so forthcoming that, in the words of James Franco, it smells like God's vagina is just so good. Within the game are, of course, hidden elements of commentary toward the modern day appreciation of nature, and this becomes painfully obvious later in the game as the sky becomes darker and the world grows scarier with the introduction of massive amounts of power lines, but don't worry. You and your petals will fill the world with such beauty that you easily eradicate any and all man made disasters (you know, except for those buildings...).

Along with the 100% stunning soundtrack (which you in part help create as every flower you collect hits a musical note), the game's graphics are beyond amazing. This is the game that really shows the PS3's engine capabilities as you soar straight into the grass and it looks like you're actually outside running your hand through a lush field. You'll see all sorts of environments as you fly through the game, but none of it ever clips or looks half assed. On top of that, for a game that should have an excessive amount of bloom (for those who don't get the term, pop in Fable II and look at the sun), you'd be surprised to find that it never comes in to play as a blinding factor. There is so much going on here and it runs so smoothly it absolutely blows my mind. It's pretty obvious why this game is only available on the PS3, to say the least - the PS3 is the only system (besides a PC) that can handle this game's insane rendering. Add to that the excellent sound effects placed in the game for the wind and movement and, when you play this in high definition on a nice TV, it really looks like a window outside that you have control over. The irony of the game in itself is that it heavily promotes being outside in nature's natural beauty, and some of the Trophy's include putting the controller down and taking a five minute break or not playing for a week, and yet the game looks better than the grass outside my window does!

If I had to give Flower a grade, it would be an A++. Any owner or potential owner of the PS3 should own this game as it is essentially the Playstation 3 game. In my short time as a PS3 owner, no other game has shown me the true and wondrous capabilities of the system in a way that makes me want to denounce my previous religion and swear only to Sony's. I'm still waiting on my digital audio cable in the mail from Amazon (which is a whole other disastrous story which I'll get to another time), I can't wait to fully maximize my experience with surround sound. This game is absolutely beyond amazing and is hands down the best game I've played all year.

Monday MUpdate: RIP 360 (Not really)

As I sit this, I'm sitting in my brand new apartment watching TV on my new television, streaming a show that I was unable to watch when it aired. Normally, I'd be doing that off of my trusty XBOX 360. Today, however, I'm doing it off my PlayStation 3. Innocent enough, right? I mean, the cat turned on the PS3 in the middle of the night. Might as well just use it, right? But it's not just that. Not at all. After unpacking all my things and hooking up my 360, I turned it on only to find myself switching back to the PlayStation. Could it be? Have I turned? I love my 360 and have all my games for it and all my pre-order games as well, and next week Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 comes out so you'll be sure to catch Jewnado online for... oh, I dunno, a million hours? But right now, even though I have 4 games for the PlayStation 3, I find myself using that more preferentially than the 360. It's possible that the reason for this is that I just haven't put Fallout 3 in the 360 yet (Left 4 Dead almost permanently resides in the 360), but it's more than that. Dare I say it, but I prefer the set up I have for the PS3 more. HDMI, digital audio, surround sound, amazing picture quality. I'm not saying that the 360 does not have that, but my model has no HDMI or digital audio support, so the PS3 wins. Therefore, I miss out on all the action that my friends are boasting about with Shadow Complex and 'Splosion Man. It's just me and my Fat Princess.

On the plus side, Fat Princess happens to be an insanely fun game, so let's consider this space for some reviews this week. In Fat Princess, you essentially play a game of Capture The Flag, except there is an obese lady of royalty involved. You are given several different classes of which to pick from in order to fill out certain duties, including a healer, a mage, a fighter, a worker, and a marksman. All of this is in a base to which you can upgrade and build support in. Outside the base you'll find pieces of cake to which to feed the princess, and as you feed her more and more she becomes fatter and fatter, the point being that now the enemy team can't carry her across the map easily. As any Capture the Flag game goes, the gameplay goes back and forth until one team captures the other princess while retaining the enemies. Add that into a hilarious form of 2D animation in a practically cell shaded world with some hilarious added in dialogue from your characters and the narrator of the game (who likes to say "The n00bs have been pwnd!"), and needless to say you have an insane amount of hilarious fun.

Now, CTF/FP isn't the only kind of gameplay in the game. There is Team Deathmatch as well as Map Domination, and all of it is equally as fun as Fat Princes, but that still holds the winning spot for me. There's just something about running around and feeding a princess who consistently cries out for more cakey, please. The only downfall I've found of the game is that the majority of people playing online either rush the enemy base and make the game five seconds long, or they all want to play Team Deathmatch, making it so that to play Fat Princess I have to play the single player game, which doesn't have as interesting AI as a real person. The game's AI seems more interested in prolonging the game to force you to take action instead of trying to really steal your princess at all, whereas the online gameplay provides a real challenge: the human brain.

Regardless, Fat Princess makes for a winning combination of humor and gameplay to make it a very worthwhile purchase. Highly recommended. Stay tuned in future weeks when I throw in reviews for Flower, LittleBigPlanet, and then, of course, Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2. Also, if anyone is curious as to my thoughts on Batman: Arkham Asylum, you can find them right here. Although, be warned: I am very harsh on the game where most people are not. Chances are, I will disagree with you on your thoughts of the game, so keep that in mind if you click the link.

Monday MUpdate: BBS

ATTN: To Whom It May Concern

The weekly column known as "Monday MUpdate" has been temporarily put on hold. The reason for this is undisclosed at this time, to be revealed on a later date. We apologize for the inconvenience and lack of snarky commentary.

In the mean time, enjoy two concept art pieces from an upcoming videogame.





Sincerely,

The Management

Monday MUpdate: Thanks for listening, chiiiiiiiiiiiillllllldren!

My life is in boxes at the moment, and because of this I don't really play too much. It takes too much effort on my part to sit and dig through a box for XBOX games, and I just don't every really feel up for doing that. This weekend, however, I took my 360 with me down on a trip to Jersey so I could download the Batman demo and decided to dig out a couple of games. Despite bringing 4 games, only 1 of them ever entered the console, and this is where it now resides: Fallout 3.

But more on that later. First - the Batman demo! That's right, Batman: Arkham Asylum is now available in a 15 minute demo version on your XBOX 360! Or PS3 I guess. Whichever you have. Either way, you now have access to the exact same demo on display at E3. This was my main curiousity: is this going to be the same level from E3? Yeah, it is, and with that all of my previous comments pretty much stay the same: the voice acting is phenomenal, the gameplay is fun but it feels like it would be repetitive. In playing the Batman demo in my own time (without a line behind me or crowd of people watching), I feel like I had a bit more time to sit and enjoy the gameplay, and I've gotta say, it is pretty fun. However, I still feel like all in all, the game is just rental fun. I can't imagine myself wanting to play this game more than once, and the combat is still pretty easy. Sure, it's fun to swoop over someone and kick them in the head, but let's be honest - there are a lot of games you can do this in (such as my hotly anticipated Assassin's Creed 2). In fact, I would go so far as to say the only thing that makes this game special is that it's Batman. The free flowing combat is still by far and large the highlight, though. It's a much more polished version of what Too Human tried to do, and I enjoy it. It can occasionally be annoying when I want to punch the guy on the left and Batman punches the guy on the right, but with all the complaints I make this is hardly one I apply any significance to. Hell, I'm more upset by character designs than I am by that, so it's clearly small potatoes. So Batman is fun to play, sure, but I still can't imagine paying $60 for it. That's just me, though, and I know for a fact other writers here feel differently, so take my thoughts as you will.

Then we decided to play Fallout 3 to pass the time for a little bit, and boy, when I get back into this game, I get back into it hardcore. In fact, I really wish I were at home still plugging away at my adventures in the wasteland. I downloaded the two new expansions (Mothership Zeta and Point Lookout) and finally finished my adventures in the Pitt (which involved a Thunderdome style match with a chainsaw, which was AWESOME). I'm amazed that, even now, I still think Fallout 3 is one of the best games I've played. I always look at it and feel overwhelmed due to the epic scope of the game, and I think that this intimidating nature of the game is what keeps a lot of people from going back. I mean, the original clock in time I had for the game was 56 and a half hours. Do I really want to commit another 56 and a half, probably more, hours to a game like this? After playing it again this weekend, I can definitely say yes. I am absolutely fine with devoting my life to this game again. It's just so damn fun, and now that I'm playing through with an evil character the story seems fresh as I blow up Megaton and kill some doctor who is just trying to create a cure. Of course, I'm making the game much harder for myself right now because even though I have special armor that can practically deflect bullets (thanks to the expansions!), I choose to wear a broken leather uniform that makes me look like Mad Max and run aroudn with no stimpaks. I'M JUST THAT HARDCORE. Plus I have Nerd Rage.

All in all, Fallout 3 is still definitely one of the most entertaining game experiences I've ever had. With all of the new expansions, I'd go so far as to include this game on my Best of '09 list, right at the top. It's just such a damn great game. Everything about it. The atmosphere is wonderful, the ambience is magnificent, and the gameplay still holds even after all of the time I've already devoted into the gameplay. Right now I'm doing one of the main story missions (the Galaxy News Radio mission), but as soon as I finish I plan to investigate the mysterious Alien Homing Beacon sounds my Pip-Boy has been picking up. I'll let you all know what happens.

Monday MUpdate: The New New XBOX Experience!

Oh, the perks of being in the industry! As writers, we get exclusive access to all sorts of cool things, and the latest is early access to the new NXE dashboard and set up. Yup, only us industry peoples totes got access. There's no way anyone else could do it. Nope. No way at all.

So what can one do in this current update? Is all that stuff from E3 we were told about now readily available? No, no it isn't (and I can't say I'm complaining about that either). What we get is the long awaited Netflix and Avatar goodies we were initially promised at the beginning of the NXE. That and Games On Demand, a set up I haven't even bothered to look at yet. No offense to that system, but it just doesn't interest me at the moment. With the little time I have to play games, I'd rather play what I already paid for! Regardless, there's a whole list of things that come with the update, including little details that are supposed to make your life easier. A new way to look at Achievements, for example. I looked at it, I wasn't all that impressed, but I can see the attraction. We also get shorter clicks to different screens, such as your Active Download Queue. It's neat, but did we really need it? Are we so lazy that the two extra clicks it took before the update really brought us down?

"So Matt," you say. "If you're so negative all the time, is there nothing you enjoy about this new update?" No, silly Billy. There's plenty I like. Why, just look to your left and you'll see exactly what I like. Here's a few quick notes and thoughts on the most visually apparent new stuff:

Avatar Marketplace
See that handsome man? That's me in my current incarnation. When it was first announced that you could now pay for clothes and props, I thought, "That's stupid. Who would ever do that?" The answer is me. I totally did that. XBOX's new marketplace 100% spoke to my interests with it's Steampunk fashion setting, and I'm thrilled to say I purchased all new attire to show off (although I kept my XBOX Chucks as a small tribute to my favorite physician). I gotta say, as much as it annoys me that this stuff costs money, it is very neat. I love the props category, and was highly considering getting some of them (I used up all my money on goggles... just like in real life!) if only for the hilarity factor (such as the one item that had Nate VERY curious: a giant ear swab). I also really like that now, in the free stuff that normally came with the Avatars, they've condensed the categories to make it a bit more neat. It's not a huge change, but it definitely looks better.

My only real question that comes up with the Avatar section is the brand new Props and Awards categories. When I looked in these, they were both blank, and they told me that I needed to win these things in games... but what games? Are all games open to giving me props? Even ones before the NXE? And how exactly does one earn a prop? Or an award? I found the lack of details in this category to be a bit annoying, to be honest. Sure, I can just buy a prop, but how do I win one? If I'm playing Marvel vs Capcom 2, can I win a prop or an award, or does it have to be a full retail game? If I play Fallout 3 and I do a particularly gruesome headshot, does that get me an award? There are no standards as defined by the XBOX crew, so I'm left in a futile situation where I don't know what to do in order to attain more glory on my XBOX. I really like to know these things, so if they release some sort of comprehensive list, or at least a hint or two at what games to play, I'd appreciate that.

Netflix
Netflix's insta-watch capabilities have certainly improved. Most of the videos now have a nice little "HD" logo next to them, and even if you don't have an HD TV it'll still stream as such. The load times have also improved, and the whole streaming thing is a lot faster. That's wonderful. Also, you can set your Netflix so that when you watch a video, it'll tell everyone what video you are watching! How novel! "Oh look, they're watching Very Young Girls... huh... uhm, well, anyway." And of course, there is the full access to the Netflix instant queue, which is 100% glorious in it's entirety. It's also severely confusing! At least, to a movie buff like me. Now I have all these movies in the palm of my hand and I don't know what to do. Do I add Lakeview Terrace just because I can?! It's a conundrum, but one I openly welcome. It's important to note that you will have to do a lot of flipping through when searching the instant queue. Not only do they give you the good stuff, but you'll also have to scroll through every B-Movie in existance to find a lot of what you want. This isn't XBOX's fault though, that's Netflix's fault for offering so many bad movies on demand. Have you ever seen Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker? I have. It's not pretty. But hey - now you have the opportunity to! Plus, we finally have the ability to watch videos in a party. So you don't have to watch Mulva alone!

So the new stuff is certainly nice. Like I said, a lot of it was done for convenience's sake. I feel like they hyped it up a lot more then it was really worth, but I'm also very cynical. I do enjoy the new additions to my dashboard and XBOX, though. I'm not having this appear with unopen arms. I'm ready for change and happy to be doing it early. I love my little Steampunk guy (and those who knew my previous gaming icon will probably get a mild chuckle out of my new one). So that was fun!

Oh. And Marvel vs Capcom 2? If you didn't get it, you're totally lame. I played that online with a group of friends and it was a wild experience. I had some friends over later to also play it, and it was so much fun. Here's a tip: use Servbot for all your characters. It makes for super hilarity fun time happiness. I also played Left 4 Dead until 4 in the morning again, which I haven't done since I worked at Target, so that was a lot of fun. I was wrecked the next day at work, but it was totally worth it in retrospect because I'm young and in love!

Monday MUpdate: Bay freaking windows, man!

Alas, poor XBOX. I knew it, Nathaniel: a console of infinite capabilities, of most excellent fancy: it hath borne me on it's back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at it. Here hung those USB ports that I have plugged into I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of red lights, that were wont to set the internet on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own sitting? quite chap-fallen? Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let her gain an achievement, to this favour she must come; make her play with that. Prithee, Nathaniel, tell me one thing.

Anyway.

I played videogames very sparingly this weekend due to, of course, an excess amount of other things to do. To my chagrin, I still have not beaten Sam and Max, although I am at the very end of the game. I just need to pick an hour or two to dedicate to the destruction of the moon (I think). It's hard to play that game's episodes over several nights because sometimes you lose track of the puzzles you need to solve. It's always best to just start from the top and go until you finish. Keeps your mind fresh and focused on the goal at hand. I popped in Bioshock for a spell because I'd been reading about the sequel and all the cool things the press are getting (that we aren't... ahem). The opening of that game still serves as one of the coolest openings of a next-gen game. I played up to the first point of death on Hard and then put it back, though. Finally, I popped in Fallout 3 and got my 100 ingots. I had been at about 60something and I searched for about two hours before finally getting those last damn two. Believe me, they are in obscure locations that without being ridiculously clever with your jumping, you'd never think to go to. I wish the achievement for it was worth more, but now I can finally finish the Pitt and go on to Broken Steel and Point Lookout. Of course, as soon as I got that last ingot and the achievement, I turned the system off, but that's beside the point. Much to Nate's inevitable disappointment in me, however, I did not put Mass Effect on once.

In other good news, while out and about I finally stopped by Game Stop and reserved my copy of Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2. This and Assassin's Creed 2 look to be the last two games I will buy this year, despite all of the games I want to play due to monetary restrictions. I'm considering opening up a Game Fly account though, so we'll see. I also tried to rent Ghostbusters due to Nate's constant ranting and raving about it and my rewatching of Ghostbusters I during chores on Saturday morning, but Blockbuster was all out so I continue to be out of the loop on that one. I don't feel as if I'm missing all that much on it, but then again I'm the resident skeptic who tends to look towards the more obvious flaws sometimes (as I've been noted on doing with the Batman game). I'll give it a spin eventually, though... probably some rainy day when no one is home but me and my cats and the apartment is filled with the sound of lonely.

I also played the Wii for a good amount of time this weekend. I went to my friend Brandon's house on July 4th and, instead of doing anything related to the holiday considering how devoid of meaning it is to us (not that we're un-American or anything, we just don't care) we played videogames. Originally we pulled out the XBOX 360, but as we learned, his XBOX has a terrible condition called "I don't know that your 360 disc is a 360 disc and not a DVD"-itis. Since the cure for this condition required more work then we were willing to give it, I suggested we just play Wii Sports to pass the time. Now, I'm a very adamant Wii antagonizer and I will fully admit right off the bat that I think it's a stupid system, a waste of money, and I would never degrade myself so much as to actually purchase one. Ever. With that said, I did have some sort of fun. It could be the ridiculousness of me and my friends jumping up and down, or the fact that my avatar was the recently deceased Billy Mays, but it was enjoyable. We bowled, we played golf (the most evil thing in the world), and I took two people on at the same time in tennis. It was fun to get up and jump around like idiots, hit our hands on the ceiling and trip over each other like a bunch of drunk buffoons, even though the heaviest drink any of us was drinking at the time was pure water. I still hold to the fact that I think the Wii is a dumb console, but I can't deny that I didn't have fun. However, I think that it's not really the Wii's fault for that. Getting together in a group of friends where you're all hopping up and down and shouting is fun in any situation. Hell, we could've been playing EXTREEEEEEME Trivial Pursuit on a bootlegged and modded Atari. It's more the excuse to get around with your friends and behave idiotically (as opposed to...) that creates the fun. The Wii is simply a facilitator to this. Besides, the Wii makes horrible jokes way too soon.

So all in all, I'd say the weekend ended up with more videogames than I initially expected. More videogames than usual, that's for certain. And quite genre-defying for myself, if I do say so.

I also picked up two quick bits of videogame news relevant to myself, but also anyone with as impeccable taste as me:

Number The First: Marvel vs Capcom 2, which was "supposed" to be out by now, is due out at the end of July. If we're lucky, it'll be out around July 21st, and then I can play it off as my gift to the huddled masses (considering July 21st is one of the few holidays I actually celebrate). Most likely, though, we're looking at July 28th for a release date. On the plus side, everything comes pre-unlocked in it, so all you have to do is pay your $15-20 and go play.

Number The Second: While the new Tales of Monkey Island is not coming to the XBOX 360 anytime soon (damn you, Telltale Games!), a remastered "special edition" of The Secret of Monkey Island is! I didn't even know they were remaking the game! Boy howdy. The Secret Of Monkey Island is an absolute classic in adventure gaming and one of the firs games I ever played, although definitely not the first game I was ever able to beat (that didn't happen until two years ago, for shame). It's a highly recommended pirate romp filled with hilarity, insult sword fighting, and ghost pirates. If you have the money to spare and you've never played the game, I'd highly suggest you get this game when it comes out. Lord knows we need more like it.

That's about it for me. The only things I can really recommend at this point are breadbowls, bruschetta, and bay windows - the perfect combination for any day.

Monday MUpdate: Where are all the good video game movies?

This weekend I didn't really play all that many video games since I spent it packing and collecting moving materials, as well as doing a lengthy clean up of my ridiculously messy room. While I was doing all of this, I decided it was time to watch all the movies that have been laying around my room or clogging up my hard drive. Two of said movies were both video game related, and I figure what better place to write my snarky commentary and scathing reviews than a blog dedicated to all things video games?

I'd also like to point out as a foreword that both of these movies are not Hollywood movies, but films commissioned by the people who made the game as a way of expanding their own mythos. It is in that that I feel I can be extra harsh in commentary, because while Hollywood films have to take an idea and make it passable for a 90 minute film that non-video game audiences will enjoy, these films are made as an addition for people who are already fans of the video game and therefore do not have to take the same inconsistencies and jumps that your average Hollywood film does. So when I get overly critical in the following two reviews, just try and keep in mind that I'm still a huge fan of the video games. I just don't care for 90 minute films that miss the point.

Dead Space: Downfall

People that have been regular readers for the past year or so know that I praised Dead Space when it first came out. I found it a highly entertaining and quite terrifying survival horror game that revamped some tired ideas and put an entertaining spin on them. It was essentially Resident Evil in space, except the "zombies" wouldn't die if you shot off their heads. You had to more carefully shoot off their limbs. It also mixed in a bit of Bioshock with a story that threw you into an abandoned and dead mining ship, and you had to learn through out the game play what happened to everyone in the past - how they found the artifact on the planet, it released this terror, and everyone proceeded to go insane and get infected with space zombie flu. Awesome.

The movie, however, lacks everything that made Dead Space cool. It comes off more as an Alien prequel that just begs to ruin your imagination. See, part of the fun is that when you play Dead Space, you get to infer everything that happened. Downfall shows it to you, and therefore loses a big chunk of the survival horror aspect that made Dead Space so entertaining. While we are presented with an insanely wide and talented voice cast (such as the guy who does the voice of Mickey's arch-nemesis Pete (seriously)), all of the characters come off as bland and impersonal. We follow our heroine as she tries to survive the ship, but ultimately, who cares? Everyone in the movie treats her like crap and we as the audience never really get a reason to feel otherwise. She's good with a gun and hates aliens, but don't we all? All the other characters introduced as part of the surviving team are about as two-dimensional as they come. Besides, anyone who has played Dead Space knows how the movie will end: everyone dies. When you get to the ship, it's empty, remember? So why bother getting attached to a crew that you know is doomed?

My biggest complaint still lies with the fact that this takes away from the imaginative properties of the sci-fi space survival horror. I really loved the way the story was explained in Dead Space. Obviously, the game's run time allows for a more carefully explained plot, but from the brief moments you yourself get to see on a computer monitor the revelation of the artifact as well as the first attack are what make this game's horror aspect work. Granted, if you were a fan of Alien, then I suppose the set up of the plot can work for you, but having actually played the game from beginning to end I just found everything kind of "matter of fact." There was no plot twist that they could give to me that would make me sit up in the chair because I already knew them all.

So Dead Space: Downfall does somewhat go to flesh out the story of the Dead Space infection time line, it's all in all unnecessary and unwelcome. For those actually interested in having everything explained in front of you, then I'd recommend a watch, but otherwise skip it. Sometimes, a game without a cohesive story that forces you to earn the truth of any mysteries surrounding the plot is much more rewarding than a game that explains it as you go along. Granted, there are obvious exceptions to this rule, but as far as survival horror goes, I'll take a non-linear storyline over a straight forward one any day.

Resident Evil: Degeneration

Resident Evil: Degeneration is something I had incredibly high hopes for. I don't think I need to remind people what a huge Resident Evil fan I am. The game literally pioneered the survival horror genre, and without it we would never have anything like Dead Space. Hell, we wouldn't even have Dino Crisis. So considering this movie is supposed to enter legitimate continuity, it seemed like a winner to me. Possibly another Advent Children, even. What it ended up being was a hilariously bad attempt at gap bridging in the Resident Evil universe.

Now, the movie is supposed to take place in between Resident Evil 4 and 5. The events of Resident evil 2 and 3 have already happened and Raccoon City lies in ruins. It is important to note that there is no way the public is not aware of zombies, especially due to the opening scenes of news reports that consistently mention outbreaks and the fall of the Umbrella Corporation. In fact, one of the main characters is a Senator who okayed the bombing of Raccoon City, and when the movie opens with him at an airport and a protest mob outside, someone is dressed as a zombie as a form of protest. So can someone please explain to me why everyone is confused when the outbreak occurs? And why Claire just doesn't grab a cop's gun and end this within the first five minutes?

My first complaint with the movie was the clear issues of dialogue. Some of what was so insanely stupid, I felt I was reading a 13 year old's fan fiction. Here are two of my favorite moments:

Scene 1:
Squad member into walkie talkie: "Where are you?"
Woman stuck in airport: "We're in the VIP room!"
Squad member into walkie talkie: "Ok, I think they're in the VIP room!"

Oh yeah? Really? What was your first amazing clue to that one? The best part of this is, though, is not the fact of obvious repetition. It's the fact that even though the cops were told where the woman was, they were still somehow unsure.

Scene 2:
Senator: "I hope you have a plan!"
Leon: "We're going to run across the lobby."
Claire: "You should trust him - he knows this stuff."

This is the level of intelligent writing we're dealing with here. I'm not saying that Resident Evil has ever been a great example of award winning writing, but come on.

There is also a moment where one of the character's breasts grow about twenty times in size for no reason, and it's positively hilarious. I honestly spent more time laughing at this movie then I did enjoying it, and this is my second complaint. More than anything, this movie is really dumb. Resident Evil has never really been "about the zombies" so to speak, and more about the virus, evil corporations, and monsters, but there was barely any zombie involvement at all in this movie. Most of it was dialogue about how they wanted to prevent an outbreak during an outbreak. A lot of it just seems so basic and easy to avoid. On top of that, all the plot twists are incredibly text book. Granted, Resident Evil has been pulling out some of the recurring twists for the past couple years, what with the supposed return of Umbrella as well as Albert Wesker repeatedly popping up, but this tries to play out like a thriller more than just your typical Resident Evil story.

All of this is not to say that I didn't enjoy it at all. It was dumb and poorly written but I definitely liked it more than Dead Space: Downfall due to the connections with the games. The animation is really great at points, and there's one scene of running water that I could have sworn was actual running water versus CGI. This is the first time Claire and Leon have been together since Raccoon City, and Resident Evil 2 was always my favorite game so it was nice to have them together again. On top of that, there is a tease of TriCell in the game, the new villainous corporation introduced in Resident Evil 5, which I liked. But while this expands the story in similar ways to Advent Children, it fails in the same way that Advent Children succeeded. The reason Advent Children worked is because it was a straight up sequel that offered closure to many open ends. Degeneration offers no closure to anything because there is no need to try and offer closure. What it does instead is just continue along the evil coporation motif of Resident Evil rather than make it a true horror story, and what works about playing Resident Evil versus watching it is with gameplay you can have as much zombie horror as you want, whereas in a film it needs to be regulated. That's what makes this fizzle around.

So while Resident Evil: Degeneration is less of a disappointment than Dead Space: Downfall, it still is ultimately a disappointment. Poor writing and direction for a story don't save it from being part of continuity. In fact, that's more reason to dislike it, because it should by all rights and accounts take the effort to be well written considering it is essentially fan service. There was no need for this chapter of Resident Evil because ultimately, we gain nothing new, just some amusing one minute teases. In fact, without knowledge of Resident Evil 5, the inclusion of TriCell is somewhat pointless, because all things considered, Resident Evil 6 is supposed to take the whole Resident Evil saga in a brand new direction as it finally wrapped up every loose end about any main character involved in Resident Evil.

So there you have it. Two video game movie reviews in lieu of actual video gaming. To be honest, in the upcoming weeks I probably will not get much gaming done, but I will do my best to make it up to any faithful readers somehow. I mean, Marvel vs Capcom 2 will be out soon, right? And I'm bound to do a report on that.