sh*t happens.

i've started my training to become a shift supervisor and so far it has just been a bunch of reading of general things that i mostly knew. i was really bored today because of it even though i was only there for four hours. but that is really all there is to say about that.

so for the past week or so i have been on a real gears of war kick and it has been really insane. i have picked up some achievements in the game, some new and some old which is always fun. i am only expecting the new ones and i have also picked up two old which was a nice present. and that is it for that.

now for the icing on the cake. even though i do not live with family anymore i still get to hear about all the loveliness that goes on there. the newest, amazing, bit of information is that my brother has been arrested. arrested no less for beating the living shit out of someone. This reflects so well on me. Honestly, I just do not understand what I did right because for all intents and purposes my siblings and I are the ones who reflect to most poorly on my grandparents. I am so thrilled about this, but I am still happy that I am enjoying my life.

I have a beautiful girl who I plan on spending my life with. I have an amazing best friend. I have a new gay lover (lol, you know who you are). I have an arguably healthy hobby and I have a job that I love (it will let me go places, and it will make me the money I need to do what I need right now).

I love you all and I will speak with y'all later.

simple words and long stories

i always hope to be writing something because it is the only true thing that i can imagine that i will continue doing for as long as possible. this can be looked at a yearly wrap-up or a post in a blog that won't receive more than five posts. i haven't been able to keep up with one or been able to keep writing for a long enough period of time to satisfy my nostalgia. livejournal, hiplog, .mac, all done, deleted or just abandoned. i feel as though i have all of the greatest hopes for my writing but i am left with nothing to write about. there is no passion in anything that i write. but i have an idea...a potentially abandoned one already, but it is an idea nonetheless. i want to finally write about all of my insecurities, all of my life experiences, my real dreams and my constant potential to fuck up anything good that i have. i haven't decided how exactly to go about that but i just hope it flows instead of feeling forced but like everything else...ahh i don't know. today isn't just a day of motivation, it's crap. my life is so up in the air. i am really sick of having no control of myself and there is probably so much more i can be doing for myself. i work at starbucks and i know that i want to advance in the company and i know that i will. that is not enough for me. i am going to live with my girlfriend and eventually have her be my wife. i living at my best friend's parents expense right now and then i will be living at my girlfriend's expense because right now my job pays shit. sometimes i think i would be happier alone and at no one's expense. this is a constant problem with my mental state. and today i got sick of everything. i got sick of reading, i got sick of games, i just am sick of myself. i feel so self-pitying and craptacular. wooohhoooo. horray for shite.