birthday unsurprize.

if am going to attempt to sleep i am going to need to dump my crap here before i do so. there are currently fifteen minutes left in my 22nd birthday and aside from these last few hours it shaped up to be another good one.
first though: the most overused question on one's birthday: how does it feel to be (insert age here)?
do people, including parents ask this because there is nothing better to ask or do they expect a new an inspired response that will seemingly blow them in to the next galaxy? no, i think not.
second: i meant to post this on my twitter but the most overused substance is not what one would consider a drug, it is, DUM DUM DUM: splenda.

so my birthday consisted of coming home from work last night at the very late hour of midnight only to be in a tiff with cindy who was actually asleep at the time (mind you this was all my fault so oh well). after i ended up waking her up she gave me some surprise birthday presents that are two complete graphic novels of jonen vasquez (invader zim). after seven hours of sleep we awoke and hung around till i went to work for a few hours. yes, i did indeed work on my birthday. after getting off of work cindy and i enjoyed a meal at cosi and went to see hot fuzz, but not before retrieving my forgotten comic at my job. the movie was great but what followed is the reason i suppose for this entry.

we were in virgin megastores only to browse some cds, video games, whatever. the ever controversial subject of my parents came up and bam!, i have not since spoken more than a few sentences and choice words to her since. i am currently sitting on this lovely hardwood floor typing as lightly as i can while cindy is what i am assume is attempting to snooze. from what i actually piece together from nothing is that i had no choice in this silence i just chose to actually go with it. i can not even be angry because i do not know how or do not want to know how to be angry about nothing.

living forever in spite is only for the truly wise or the truly stupid.

nostalgia or something else?

last night i spent my evening with harry, kim and cindy. we saw the aqua teens movie and slept over. it was an incredibly good time and the movie was as funny as it was random. see it if you like the show, simple as that. the part of my morning that had me wanting to write this entry was after the pancakes we had for breakfast. breakfast was a good enough time that involved arguments over butter and who made better pancakes. naturally: the champion of all pancakes, me, won. so back to when i felt weird... i was putting my cell, sidekick, wallet and keys back into my pockets and i just stumbled on the thought process of feeling as though i were someone in a band on tour. i felt as if i were a guest but in a place where i slept for almost two months. it was interesting enough and i can definitely attest to the fact that i had no idea why i was feeling like that. but for now as usual everything is all good and cindy and i are on our way back to the apartment to shower up and such in case we feel like heading out to the city to hang around with the gang some more.
okay, so this entry feels a little scattered but it is just a recap of good night melted into a good day. and yes as usual i am feeling a little nostalgic and a little sad but it is an oxymoronic happy sad.

lately.

as time has been passing by lately i have been using twitter to update what i have been up to. still though, there is something you can not get with micro-blogging: "true emotion," and a real feel of that persons personality. i do recommend twitter for just a generally habitual way of keeping your life updated to the outside world. it even has an option to remind you if you haven't updated in 24 hours.

i always imagine that my blogs should touch someone on some other level where they found my life truly interesting. i think that when i do update i tend to either drab it down or not update at all for lack of the idea striking me. should i be happy that i am not so strapped to my blogs? i always notice that i am not as hell bent on using my sidekick for everything with my female counterpart on the other side of me typing furiously as though she had no idea on how to do anything else other than use this silly device. but i do digress that if this device had any bit of the funtionality, for me, that my xbox does then hell would have already frozen over.

i recently, as by the way of today, read about the possibility of a zune cell phone type device that could update all its songs and such via wi-fi. maybe this option will be more viable for me than the iphone.

as my dear love sits next to me, still furiously typing i am thinking of how nice it will be to just lie in bed with her for the whole of tomorrow for the first time since we have been living with each other.

i love you cindy and i am thankful and grateful for every moment i get to spend with you.

big dreams and playing make believe.

i have been reading a book called the secret, you may have heard of it. it is a really interesting and helpful read and i honestly believe its advice is meaningful, helpful, and most of all, real. i picked it up and wanted to write it off as some sort of cult but was intrigued enough by it so i bought it. so far it has been nothing but a help and given a more positive aspect of everything and has also given me the motivation by making me keep myself positive. as soon as i have found myself getting upset about something or even bored i modify my thinking in order to keep myself attracting positive things. now this could or could not make me sound like an absolute nut but i highly recommend it to anyone who feels like their soul needs a pick-me-up.
i am now going to begin working on what i hope will become a bigger project that i can even imagine at this point. it is going to be my gaming community within a gaming community. it will have clan based purposes for gears of war and halo and such and it will also be a place within the xbox community to create a more personable community and make it even more fun for gamers to meet other gamers. i am dreaming big and as long as i keep dreaming this way i can only go up. maybe a comic for the community, a forum of course, but most of all just for there to be people on your friends list that you always feel like playing with. i'll call it "P4PER M4N" because the idea i was stricken with was just to hand out flyers with this name on it to expand my gaming community.

kitty.

so i picked up the kitty today and the whole experience has been fun. some sarcasm noted. the cat is awesome and loves attention and if you are near it, it doesn't specifically need attention but likes to be near you. the sarcasm i was hinting at was the train ride home where the kitty did not want to be in that box and kept meowing. i felt so bad. i decided to try and introduce the cat and the dog but after figuring out quickly that it wasn't a good idea i checked out some stuff online only to discover that they needed to be introduced slowly. apparently they need to get used to each other by smell first. it makes sense.

valens.

this is a good song to randomly have in your head at work.

probably my second favorite of their songs.
--nate.avalanche

a nice longg day.

long needed two g's, trust me. i worked almost twelve hours and i wasn't
supposed to. yeah what the fuck i'm a whiner. haha and i have to open
tomorrow; i love running myself ragged at both ends.

the black donnellys was amazing last night as usual but last night was
the best since the second episode. they really know how to work a lot of
magic with that show. it plays like my favorite movies do and i can
watch the episodes two and three times and love them just as much.
again if you haven't checked it out yet do that mondays @ ten.

so i talked more about a show than how exhausted i am. goodnight
homies.
--nate.avalanche

retrospective conversations.

def. - those conversations in which are hard to come by or incredibly
thought provoking.

i do not think there has been a shift that i have ever worked where it
never felt like i was working for a second. thoughts were equally on
comics and all propoganda related and tipped towards musical
inclinations. we talked about batman, texas is the reason, invader zim,
and the movielife.

my bone tattoo went over well.

on another topic i have been playing something other than crackdown for
the past day. alien hominid hd which is awesome in its every aspect.
this is a highly reccomended game to those who only even have a pc. it
was originally a flash based game (and rightfully still is) from the
fine people who run newgrounds.com. anyway check it out.

and now i am finally on the train and kudos to that because the
originally inspiring guitar strumming was beginning to drill into my
head.
--nate.avalanche

who knows?

so i am up @ 6 in the morning headed to work. the dillema isnlt being
up at six in the morning. the problem here is that i remember on the
schedule that i am working in the am from 7.30 to 11.30, but my sidekick
says differently. what does it say? i have work in the pm. now i
already called but as i know, there are only two people there and no one
really answers the phone there anyway. worst thing is i don't have work
until tonight, which is probably not the case. i am betting that i just
entered it wrong into my sidekick considering it was my first time doing
so and i was doing it on a grand two week scale. all things considered
though, i am tired and i do wish that i could have stayed in bed. now i
am thinking of something though that could possibly lead me to believe
that i am working tonight: i remember thinking that it would suck to get
home @ 11.30 @ night because cindy would already be asleep. wtf. i think
too much but now i am kind of convinced. well i'll let you know if this
AM rant which apparently lasts longer than a normal rant was worth it or
not. i would so prefer the former because i am already almost there.

i'm being harassed.

at the current moment i am being harassed by cindy with pictures of "i'm in ur..." various pictures. do it just go to google images and type in, "i'm in ur and witness the horror of cute kitties stealing your internet.

on that note life as usual has been continuing on at a normal clip. i have been playing massive amounts of crackdown to which i completed the main campaign part of the game. at the moment i am just trying to max out my achievements in the game so i can finally get back to playing some more gears of war.

i assembled some furniture for mike and cin's mom today. that was tedious but it was alright despite my massive headache that a red bull could not cure. surprisingly the water and a shower did though.

gotta go take out the recycling and attempt to get some gaming in before south park comes on (not gonna happen).

new sbux.

so i have finished my second day at my new starbucks and i don't think i
could be any more complacent with my feelings about the place. the
partners are cool; few minor annoyances aside (which tends to always be
the case), the customers are pretty much alright (again with the minor
annoyances that can mess up your flow), we have a celebrity regular who
is extrodinarily nice (i was told that she was a regular: julia stiles),
and all and all the store is beginning to feel like home.

other than sbux i got my xbox back which i am extrodinarily happy
about. i played crackdown last which was f'ing awesome (a highly
under-rated game).

anyway i am on the train on the way home and i am actually quite tired.

nate out.
--nate.avalanche

cabin fever.

the only time that you want to leave your apartment is the only time that you absolutely must stay in. i am currently waiting for both my xbox and cindy's new phone. fun fun times. i cannot wait for my xbox because i have gone so long without it. i am going to bring cindy her phone when it comes and while i am out i am going to buy a copy of crackdown. i am waiting in the kitchen and i think i am going to play WoW (world of warcraft), which consequentially i have been meaning to do all day. i have also meant to clean up but have not done so because god forbid i miss that buzzer or cannot get to it in time because i am elbow deep in filth. you should have seen me take a shower. shortest one ever, ear hanging out just in case. what am i going to do, run down to the lobby in a towel, probably. both of these companies (ups, fedex) came by this time yesterday so i am just waiting on inevitable 5 o'clock delivery time. pray for me that these bringers of gifts come soon.
blah.

good night.

last night was awesome as it should have been. it was i am the
avalanche so it was business as usual. the sleeping was amazing
although i just had no energy. i have been lacking in the energy
department lately. i did get vin's sn though, sorta my crowning
achievment. fun.

lately i haven't really had the opportunity to do anything computer related but it is alright because this next upcoming week i my last in long island. i will then officially be a resident of brooklyn.

i am currently sitting in the kitchen of said brooklyn apartment and i just got finished checking a long list of email, rss feeds, and making what seems to be a "new" myspace account. i have to move a bunch of boxes from the "currently full of boxes" living room into the only empty room of the place (at least for the time being).

people, check out:

www.penny-arcade.com
www.alienhominid.com
www.baysideisacult.com
www.virb.com

hi

hii
--nate.avalanche

is it possible that things are getting better (knock on wood0

let's not get me wrong here i am am not what one would call a pessimistic person. on the contrary, i am quite the ever-loving optimist. the is true to the "t" in pessimist seeing as i had to spell check the word. there is no need to beat around the bush on this one. finally, after all is said and done, i will be living with my soon to be wife. days have been filled with work and nights with cartoons and video game desires. whenever i write in a blog i never know what to put there because it is usually that i have nothing left to vent because i have usually done so with a human being. i suppose i am one that takes a more conventional methodology to things. i do not know how i would rely on internet advice. these entries are never made with the intention of any response or solution to those problems that truly end of worthy of a blog entry. i suppose if i were deaf or mute, with no offense intended to either party, i would look at this ability to type as a blessing. the only useful purpose for this keyboard it for writing, that of which i scarcely do. shed a tear for my apparent lack of motivation. i suppose that i do use these keys to engage in real-time internet chats with my all-to-scene bad self. go figure that one out. but yet again, i digress, that i use my ultra-hip mobile device for that also (albeit rarely also). am i too disconnected from others? no though i hardly use my cell phone other than to speak with the best friend or wife. and when i move in with her...who knows. prepaid here i come. i am way too techno-saavy to let myself not own the most recent hot device. two year service plans here we go! let's put this entry in perspective: my xbox is in the shop, so to speak; i have pissed cindy off; the entry is due. i better go before i don't find something better to do with my time.

simple words and long stories

i always hope to be writing something because it is the only true thing that i can imagine that i will continue doing for as long as possible. this can be looked at a yearly wrap-up or a post in a blog that won't receive more than five posts. i haven't been able to keep up with one or been able to keep writing for a long enough period of time to satisfy my nostalgia. livejournal, hiplog, .mac, all done, deleted or just abandoned. i feel as though i have all of the greatest hopes for my writing but i am left with nothing to write about. there is no passion in anything that i write. but i have an idea...a potentially abandoned one already, but it is an idea nonetheless. i want to finally write about all of my insecurities, all of my life experiences, my real dreams and my constant potential to fuck up anything good that i have. i haven't decided how exactly to go about that but i just hope it flows instead of feeling forced but like everything else...ahh i don't know. today isn't just a day of motivation, it's crap. my life is so up in the air. i am really sick of having no control of myself and there is probably so much more i can be doing for myself. i work at starbucks and i know that i want to advance in the company and i know that i will. that is not enough for me. i am going to live with my girlfriend and eventually have her be my wife. i living at my best friend's parents expense right now and then i will be living at my girlfriend's expense because right now my job pays shit. sometimes i think i would be happier alone and at no one's expense. this is a constant problem with my mental state. and today i got sick of everything. i got sick of reading, i got sick of games, i just am sick of myself. i feel so self-pitying and craptacular. wooohhoooo. horray for shite.